A reminder for the New Year why no one talks to me...

Why do they call it taking a dump, when clearly you are leaving it behind?

If Elvis is really dead, why do I still hear muffled pleas for help and chains rattling coming from the basement?

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it crush the small family of squirrels that had made it their home?

Why do we park in driveways, and run over pedestrians on parkways?

If Voo-doo is such a serious and menacing practice, why does it have such a silly name? (Ouch! my arm hurts all of a sudden)